I completely understand you. I'm so sorry to know you've been treated that way. Nobody deserves that. Please don't invalidate your feelings just because she does - they matter.
Do you know Dr. Ramani Durvasula? She's a clinical psychologist and she makes YouTube videos about narcissism and toxic parents. Her videos have helped me a lot in understanding and trying to make sense of all of this.
Going no contact is not an option for me right now, but I'm considering doing it in the future. I'll start therapy soon because it's been very difficult for me to process all the blaming and gaslighting that I have to deal with on a daily basis.
I hope you find healing, you deserve it. Wish you all the best.