nothing I described was “new agey”. The concepts I used are actually widely used among psychologists and psychoanalysts. Search about “attachment theory” and you’ll understand.
We tend to date people who love us in a way we’re already used to, based on our relationship with our parents. If you’re used to being loved in a healthy, stable way, then that’s the type of intimate relationships you get yourself into. If, on the contrary, you don’t know what true love feels like, you get yourself into unhealthy, toxic situations and relationships. This is what the attachment theory is about. It’s not “new age”, it’s Psychology.
And that is what I mean by “if you change how you feel about yourself, you’ll also change the people you attract into your life”. Meaning, if you realize you have an insecure attachment style, and you’re able to change it to a secure one, then you’ll get yourself into secure relationships instead of insecure.
Regarding what you said “when you treat yourself well and care for yourself, it doesn’t stop some a***oles from being horrible”: it’s not about stopping them from being horrible. It’s about recognizing that the way people behave has nothing to do with you and that if you truly love yourself, you don’t accept being treated like shit. Of course some people will be “horrible” anyway. It’s up to you to decide what you will tolerate. And emotionally healthy people don’t put up with emotionally unhealthy, or toxic people.
I hope things are clearer now. Hope you’re having an amazing day.